Rafael sent a piece in which he muses about his kinky nature, the past, and the present, and expresses his gratitude for the blogs he has found, and the support he received from the owners of those blogs. As always, he has sent in the piece in Spanish, and with the help of Google translate and a minor bit of editing, the piece is available in English too.

Happy reading!
~ Marie


EL DILEMA

El dilema que no es tal dilema, sino la necesidad imperiosa de dar cabida, dar expresión, decir lo que siento, salir a la calle y gritar a los cuatro vientos, que me gusta el ‘sadomasoquismo’, o como se le llama ahora BDSM. En concreto mi parafilia fetichista por excelencia, son los azotes eróticos consensuados entre adultos, conocido por la expresión inglesa spanking.

Que yo alcance a recordar, mi atracción por el culo de las mujeres, esa parte tan noble, tan bella, tan excitante, tan sumamente sensual, me viene desde la adolescencia. Y desde entonces hasta ahora no ha ido más que ‘in crescendo’. Desde hace unos años y gracias a la internet, a la red de redes, me he podido asomar—como otros tantos—allí donde la curiosidad nos llevaba o donde sabíamos recalar. No hay duda de que hubo puertos con las aguas turbias, de los que salir pitando, y calas de aguas transparentes, donde verse reflejado con otros iguales, lo que me dio la perspectiva de que—después de todo—no estaba enfermo, ni lo que me pasaba era una perversión retorcida de la mente.

No—antes al contrario—empecé a comprender que el único camino para no volverme loco era la plena aceptación, la plena integración de, digámoslo así, esta ‘sexualidad diferente’, como una forma más de mi ser, como una expresión de una energía tremendamente amorosa, que estaba enamorado del ser y del cuerpo de las mujeres, como representantes de las más altas cotas de la belleza Universal, y de una sabiduría, que por regla general, sobrepasaba a la de los hombres, es decir, al actual patriarcado.

Ya sé que esto es meterme en ‘camisa de once varas’ y no es esta mi intención con este escrito.
Lo que sí quiero aquí dejar dicho es que, esta necesidad imperiosa, que pugna por salir, como si de un volcán se tratara, que quiere, a toda costa, expulsar su lava ardiente que le consume por dentro, no puede esperar por mucho más tiempo. So pena de dejar que el tiempo, sosiegue las lavas del volcán, dejando que se petrifiquen.

Y no quiero convertirme en estatua de sal, por mirar hacia atrás. Quiero mirar adelante y con la cabeza bien alta. Puesto que sé que mi sexualidad—por diferente—es superior a la media de muchos, del común de las gentes. Puedo llevar a la mujer, hasta las cotas más altas del placer sexual que puedan sentir, y buena prueba de ello es mi esposa, a la que de paso, doy las gracias con todo mi corazón, pues en un momento dado de nuestras vidas juntos (ya van 30 años), fui capaz, me atreví a compartir con ella, algunas de mis fantasías fetichistas, de mis gustos por el sadomasoquismo, por el juego de rol de Dominación/ sumisión, de la práctica del bondage, de los juegos con el hielo, con diversos tipos de vibradores, de clítoris, de vulva, plug anales, balas vibradoras, a distancia; de los útiles ‘instrumentos’ de la cocina para el juego sexual, del gusto por la penetración anal, le compartí mi gusto por el exhibicionismo en bragas de mujer; y tantos otros placeres, solo reservados para aquellos que quieran atreverse a explorar su vida, fuera de la cotidianeidad, y en concreto de su vida sexual, sobre todo a partir de los 50, donde parece que la libido, tanto en hombres y sobre todo en las mujeres, a causa de la menopausia, decae inevitablemente, absorbidos por el devenir de los días, la casa, el trabajo, los niños, la salud…

Y para concluir y no alargar innecesariamente esta ‘declaración de intenciones’ que más que un dilema es una llamada de auxilio, quiero dar las gracias a toda esa comunidad de la Europa del norte, que he recién descubierto, a través de blogs tan maravillosos como Rebel’s Notes o Posy Churchgate o Finding Strength in my Submission o Life of a Kinky Wife o Sex Matters y otros, que me han permitido expresarme tal cual soy, y que, pese a mis miedos, a mis dudas, a mis intentos de echar hacia delante todo lo que llevo dentro, para luego corriendo, arrepentirme y volver atrás, y crear en mi mente una ansiedad enorme, y considerar que no estoy haciendo lo correcto, o que estoy enfermo por gustarme tanto el culo de otras mujeres, además del de mi esposa, y tantos pensamientos erráticos que pueden surcar la mente… Que quiero agradecer a todos sepan comprender mis ‘titubeos’ a la hora de expresarme, de compartirme, y en especial de compartir mis fetichismos con todos ustedes, y también de mis ‘arrepentimientos’.

Por lo que les estoy muy agradecidos. Y espero seguir contando con su beneplácito para seguir aprendiendo de ustedes a mostrarme con total naturalidad, y a mostrar mis fetichismos más inconfesables.

¡SALUD!


Between rapture and regret

The dilemma, that is not such a dilemma, but is the imperative need to accommodate, give expression, say what I feel, go out on the street and shout from the rooftops, that I like ‘sadomasochism’, or as it is now called, BDSM. Specifically, my fetishist paraphilia par excellence, are the consensual erotic spankings between adults, known by the English expression spanking.

May I remember, my attraction to women’s ass, that part so noble, so beautiful, so exciting, so extremely sensual, has been there since adolescence. And from then until now, it has only gone ‘in crescendo’. For a few years, and thanks to the internet, to the network of networks, I have been able to peek — like so many others — wherever curiosity led us or where we knew how to search. There is no doubt that there were ports with murky waters, from which to get out whistling, and coves with transparent waters, where you could see yourself reflected with other equals, which gave me the perspective that — after all — I was not sick, nor was what was happening to me a twisted perversion of the mind.

No — on the contrary — I began to understand that the only way not to go crazy was the full acceptance, the full integration of, let’s put it this way, this ‘different sexuality’, as one more form of my being, as an expression of an energy tremendously loving, who was in love with the being and the body of women, as representatives of the highest levels of universal beauty, and of a wisdom, which as a general rule, surpassed that of men, that is, the current patriarchy.

I already know that this is putting myself in a ‘proverbial straightjacket’ and this is not my intention with this writing.
What I do want to say here is that this imperative need, which struggles to get out, as if it were a volcano, that wants, at all costs, to expel its burning lava that consumes it inside, cannot wait for much longer. It hurts to allow time to calm the lava from the volcano, allowing it to petrify.

And I don’t want to turn into a pillar of salt, by looking back. I want to look ahead and with my head held high. Since I know that my sexuality – for being different – is superior to the average of many, of the common people. I can take women to the highest levels of sexual pleasure they can feel, and a good proof of this is my wife, to whom in passing, I thank with all my heart, because at a given moment in our lives together (It’s been 30 years now), I was able, I dared to share with her, some of my fetish fantasies, my tastes for sadomasochism, for the Domination / submission role-playing game, for the practice of bondage, for games with ice, with various types of vibrators, clitoris, vulva, anal plug, vibrating bullets, at a distance; of the kitchen’s useful ‘instruments’ for sexual play, of the taste for anal penetration, I shared my taste for exhibitionism in women’s panties; and many other pleasures, only reserved for those who want to dare to explore their life, outside of everyday life, and specifically their sexual life, especially after 50, where it seems that the libido, both in men and especially in women, due to menopause, it inevitably declines, absorbed by the passing of days, the house, work, children, health…

And to conclude and not unnecessarily lengthen this ‘declaration of intentions’, which is more than a dilemma, a call for help, I want to thank the entire community of Northern Europe, which I have just discovered, through such wonderful blogs as Rebel’s Notes or Posy Churchgate or Finding Strength in my Submission or Life of a Kinky Wife or Sex Matters and others, that have allowed me to express myself as I am, and that, despite my fears, my doubts, my attempts to push forward everything that I carry inside, and then run, repent and go back, and create an enormous anxiety in my mind, and consider that I am not doing the right thing, or that I am sick because I like so much the ass of other women, in addition to my wife’s, and so many erratic thoughts that can cross the mind… I want to thank everyone for understanding my ‘hesitations’ when it comes to expressing myself, sharing myself, and especially sharing my fetishisms with all of you, and also my ‘regrets’.

For which I am very grateful. And I hope to continue counting on your approval to continue learning from you to show myself with total naturalness, and to show my most unspeakable fetishisms.

CHEERS!

Image from Pixabay

Wicked Wednesday

9 thoughts on “El Dilema / The Dilemma

  1. I have shared this dilemma too, Rafael, when I discovered my kinky side, and realized I liked different things than ‘normal’ people. But I have also learned, through reading the blogs of others that there are so many different kinds of kinks, so many variations and gradations, that we are all a little bit kinky in some or other way. It’s always good to read the words of kindred spirits thought, and know we’re not alone 🙂
    ~ Marie

  2. Thank you very much for your kind words Mrs. Marie and for the opportunity you give me to express myself.
    Simply, thank you very much.

    1. Thank you very much for your kind words Mrs. Nora. I agree that it is necessary to learn from those who know, and in that, you are a good example. So I hope to continue learning from you. Thanks a lot.

  3. I am so pleased that you have been able to express yourself in this way. I often feel like I have to hide so I think it can be quite common when you have alternative interest. Thanks for sharing. Missy x

    1. Thank you so much Mrs. Míssy, the truth is that I have a hard time expressing myself spontaneously. I often move in regret. And at the same time I get carried away by my outbursts. For example, my desire to show myself in women’s panties … It is something that drives me and at the same time I pull back, and it has been that way forever …

  4. Thanks for this – I recognise that sense of frustration about not being able to share your sexuality and the relief of communicating with others who do understand – I wouldn’t assume that the male libido declines after 50 – I’m now 68 and still ticking things off my bucket list!

    1. Thank you Mister Mike. I am still in my 59s and I also hope to reach beyond 70 while maintaining good perverse sex. Thank you very much for your visit and your comment.

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